Essex Girls

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  • Essex Girls

    Just for fun.....no offence intended...

    An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How
    many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the Essex girl
    "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?" "Wayne,
    Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"

    Doesn't that get confusing?"

    "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
    playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY
    or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

    "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
    council worker.

    "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"


    ******************************************

    An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment
    on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress."
    she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "No" she
    replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."



    *****************************************

    Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

    The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."

    She says "I'll take the red one."

    The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."

    ********************************************


    An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
    bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.

    Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
    questions?"

    Girl: "OK"

    Medic: "What's your name?"

    Girl: "Sharon."

    Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"

    Sharon: "Yes."

    Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

    Sharon: "Romford, mate."

    *****************************************


    An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was
    her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the
    news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be
    careful!"

    "It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of
    them!"

    ***********************************

    Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
    everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till

    she's lying flat out on the floor.

    Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."

    Sharon: "Ok."

    Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"

    Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralyzed from the waist down!"

    *************************************************

    An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl
    notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing.
    She says,

    "Scuse me mate, I aint being fanny or nuffink, but why doz one of your

    wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it ?

    So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies,
    "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it is for

    me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot"

    "Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave
    got C&A on them.

    ************************************************

    The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a
    great chest you have." He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite,
    baby.

    He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you
    have. "The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."

    He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the
    apartment screaming in fear.

    The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He
    catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
    The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after
    I saw how short the fuse was.

  • #2
    You're living dangerously! Run away quickly, hide, and prepare for the complaints!
    JEFFREY SHAW, solicitor [and Topic Expert], Nether Edge Law*
    1. Public advice is believed accurate, but I accept no legal responsibility except to direct-paying private clients.
    2. Telephone advice: see http://www.landlordzone.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=34638.
    3. For paid advice about conveyancing/leaseholds/L&T, contact me* and become a private client.
    4. *- Contact info: click on my name (blue-highlight link).

    Comment


    • #3
      I know...I am playing with fire ! lol

      Comment


      • #4
        Essex girls

        I liked them, am in practice to be a 60 year old Essex girl when the Cornish Caf is sold (will it ever end) Going off to live near the Grandchildren in Essex and have bought white handbag and white stilletos, must wear them with black stockings of course, By the by keep seeing LOL what does it mean !!. Nee from a very wet Cornwall.

        Comment


        • #5
          That's countyist!!!

          I'll get my coat..
          Now signature free.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Nee View Post
            By the by keep seeing LOL what does it mean !!. Nee from a very wet Cornwall.
            Laughing Out Loud
            Now signature free.

            Comment


            • #7
              Essex Girls

              Well thanks for that, not doing any LOL here its still piddling down, good for trade though. Nee.

              Comment


              • #8
                Hello each and all.

                This girl's back in sunny Essex from my hols.

                Have I missed anything?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by DianeB View Post
                  Hello each and all.

                  This girl's back in sunny Essex from my hols.

                  Have I missed anything?
                  If you were in Jamaica, yes- thank goodness.
                  JEFFREY SHAW, solicitor [and Topic Expert], Nether Edge Law*
                  1. Public advice is believed accurate, but I accept no legal responsibility except to direct-paying private clients.
                  2. Telephone advice: see http://www.landlordzone.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=34638.
                  3. For paid advice about conveyancing/leaseholds/L&T, contact me* and become a private client.
                  4. *- Contact info: click on my name (blue-highlight link).

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    no complaints from me - highly amusing on a boring weds pm!!

                    LOL - could mean lots of love???

                    Comment

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