female T needing to leave abusive mentally and physically male T

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  • female T needing to leave abusive mentally and physically male T


    I need some help/advise. I am currently living with 3 other males (2 of whom are friends from school and 1 a freind of a friend) We are all sharing a 5 bed house, in our late to mid 20's and working professionals. One of the male T's is an ex partner but we were very cival towards each other and had no qualms about living together having lived previously for a year. We are on a 12 month contract with 6 month break clause (giving 2 months notice of that break).

    In the past 2 1/2 months i have been recieving a series of mental abuse and two counts of physical abuse. Unfortuntely none of which has been seen by any of the other T's and he is denying any contact or blaming me. I could write about this forever describing scenario's where he has painted me in such a light that i have 'issues' where he is actually known to have physiatric problems and recieved therapy.

    My first abuse was strangulation, however this was provoked by myself in an argument, so i wrote it as a one off. I went to the doctors to get it documented but not enough bruising to invlove police (also not wanting to involve police, i just want to get out). The second abuse was in my room where he tried to force inprison me, again attempt to strangle me and i have split lip and sprains to wrist and legs from him trying to drag me back in after escaping. This was unprovoked violence and a cause of his alcohol problem.

    Quite obviously i need to move out however i do need my deposit money to do this. Techinically i cannot hand my notice in until Jan 11th (for move in March 10th) although i fear if i stay there much longer it will happen again. It is not just the physical abuse but the mental abuse that follows and makes my day to day life very hard with my other friends. No one wants to be involved as he is very malicious and devious, intelligent with it.

    Please could someone offer advice if there is a legal way, without involving the police, that i can break my own section of the contract and take back my deposit to move out. Baring in mind there is someone who can move in to pay the rent, but not be able to put down a deposit. Im not sure what to do and don't feel i should have to 'deal' or 'put up' with this kind of daily abuse.

    Or would this just be a case of the agent/landlord taking acceptional pity? The landlord is aware that he and I were previously engaged.

    Please help.

    Many Thanks,


  • #2
    Are you all on a joint AST agreement or on individual ones?
    'Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation fo the first link on one memorable day'. Charles Dickens, Great Expectations


    • #3
      I feel like going into Judge Judy mode here. Leave - go to a shelter or a relative - I think you would be a police time waster. Ask landlord to take pity by all means but don't compromise your welfare over a deposit!

      Freedom at the point of zero............


      • #4
        Hi Kitty,

        For starters: you did not provoke strangulation through simply arguing with someone. That is at least ABH. This is not a police time waster situation, nor are you a waste of police time. I cannot advise you on what you should do, but you could go to the police, you might find that helpful. You can get a non-molestation order and have that individual removed from the house.

        Next, I would suggest you contact the Rights of Women who give FREE LEGAL ADVICE to women on a range of issues, this being one of them.



        • #5
          You know what to do but you don't want to do it, why? You do not provoke someone to strangle you by arguing, is that what he said, it's your fault he strangled you because you argued with him?

          So he transfers guilt to you, you blame yourself and do not protect yourself. As far as your LL is concerned, this is your problem.

          For your own safety and peace of mind write down all the incidents that have happened thus far and speak to the police. As you share a house this satisfies the criteria for "domestic violence", and is still a high priority for some police areas, meaning positive and immediate intervention.

          I am sorry that you are facing this, I have seen the affects.

          Please report it and protect yourself.

          Before acting on forum advice, you may wish to consult an expert, someone who has all the relevant facts, and who accepts liability for their advice.


          • #6
            I havent got a reletive of freinds to go to- I live with them and my parents have no spare room for long- if anything just a couple of days). Other friends/collegues have literally no room for me to stay. Its very awkward. I have extremely little money having it tied in the house and cost of commute to work that there is no way i can put a deposit down on another place. The deposit money is already my fathers so cannot ask for more! Very tricky situation.

            Yes it would be a police timewaster- there is not significant bruising or evidence agaisnt him and when he is lying through his back teeth and also saying whilst he does it that no one will believe me. He is very aware of my attempts at recording on my phone and goes for that first.

            I am on a joint AST (i believe) all our names are on the contract with joint/split deposit.

            He has not put down a deposit (one of the other T's paid his half) and all the bills are in his name too. So he can just walk out and leave us all in trouble.

            I understand my welfare comes before deposit money but how can I move on without any money whatsoever. I dont have a problem paying rent or bills but i do with large upfront sums of money.

            Ive looked into shelter..but it would be quite traumatic also..i dont think i qualify and i still would need to pay my rent until i break my contract in March?? Also it isnt really any kind of standard of living (this could be argued with what i am recieving now but at least its 'home')



            • #7
              Originally posted by Interlaken View Post
              I think you would be a police time waster.
              Why, many women/men, live in violent domestiv situations exactly because of this point of view. OP has a spilt lip and has been physically abused twice.

              Make a trip to the police station and also to shelter, this is not an uncommon situation and they will be supportive.


              I would suggest making a formal complaint against this man.


              • #8
                Just to clarify above, i do not want him to leave the house as this will cause too much hassle for myself and other housemates with him being the bill payer. etc. Realistically this just isnt going to work... them being more HIS friends over mine.

                The doctor already told me that he could not document a case of abuse as there is not enough evidence. I had to make him write a document for my story but it cannot be proven. The police will be able to do nothing and the whole situation will be more traumatising than the incident.

                The only way i can see, is for me to leave and thus not creating such an impact on he others not invloved in the house.


                • #9
                  You do not know if it would be a police timewaster. Or if indeed you would be wasting police time. Neither does anyone else here, although some think they can predict the future.

                  Until you decide that you have had enough and want to stop the abuse cycle it will continue, and it will probably get wosre.

                  No one knows what the police will do to help you, but until you give them the opportunity they will do nothing. On the other hand, if you report this, then he may get arrested and bailed not to return to the address, meaning you get peace at least for a while.

                  good luck.

                  Before acting on forum advice, you may wish to consult an expert, someone who has all the relevant facts, and who accepts liability for their advice.


                  • #10
                    But know that, even if you vacate, you'd remain (with him and others) jointly and severally liable for the whole rent. I'd recommend not the Police but a solicitor who deals with matrimonial violence and divorce etc. Do it RIGHT NOW (and ask whether you're eligible for Legal Aid, too).
                    JEFFREY SHAW, solicitor [and Topic Expert], Nether Edge Law*
                    1. Public advice is believed accurate, but I accept no legal responsibility except to direct-paying private clients.
                    2. Telephone advice: see http://www.landlordzone.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=34638.
                    3. For paid advice about conveyancing/leaseholds/L&T, contact me* and become a private client.
                    4. *- Contact info: click on my name (blue-highlight link).


                    • #11
                      Your Doctor is wrong. At the end of the day the choice is yours, it's your health.

                      good luck

                      Before acting on forum advice, you may wish to consult an expert, someone who has all the relevant facts, and who accepts liability for their advice.


                      • #12
                        Thank you for your replies however I feel some of you are not properly reading or understanding the situation.

                        Yes i have been a victim of violence mental and physical however it has already been said that it cannot be proven by the doctor. Having a split lip- i could have tripped..there is NO evidence, simply my word against his. Going to the Police will only irritate this situation more for not only myself but housemates and will make the next few months unbareable- as you can imagine.

                        I need to get out of that house, in the least damaging way to myself, him and others around. I have no money for Solicitors, no freinds to stay with, and a shelter just does not seem feasible when i am not in direct danger (although i guess this could happen at any point again- but will try my hardest to stay away from him. Its quite a big house and we are 4 floors apart)

                        I understand that i cannot just 'vacate' as i am liable for covering joint rent.

                        Perhaps i just go to my landlord or agency and explain the situation. I dont want the police invloved as many of you would not want to either. However if i had subsantial bruising and proof i'd be straight there... i am aware of that system from childhood sadly..


                        • #13
                          How can my doctor be wrong?? I went straight to him the afternoon after the event and there was no bruising to my neck that he could document. He tried his hardest to get anything he could and was extremely sympathetic, however acusing someone of abuse is a strong allegation that needs sufficient evidence other than words between two people.


                          • #14
                            You are on a joint AST, you cannot easily walk away from your liability without surrender & regranting a new lease to existing tenants, which unless you know of a suitable replacement, maybe slightly tricky.
                            [I]The opinions I give are simply my opinions and interpretations of what I have learnt, in numerous years as a property professional, I would not rely upon them without consulting with a paid advisor and providing them with all the relevant facts[I]


                            • #15
                              There is a 4th m T staying with us who would techinically take over myself... but i know that he does not have deposit to cover my deposit if my landlord let me leave before the break of clause date.

                              So in that respect it's quite handy- but still not any finacially better.. and leaves me with nothing to move out anywhere else. Tricky.


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